This week we faced a disheartening post of a firstborn
cutting ties with her family, due to pressure, responsibilities and gratuity
from her family. A lot of other netizens pitched their two cents on the topic and discussed their individual experiences as firstborns. Honestly, I can’t
relate. This is because I am a last born.
Ordinarily, you should reign all your grievances at this
point, because it is common for last born to be demanding, stubborn and lazy;
but I beg to differ.
I can share with you two life lessons that helped me through
family pressure and drama, which I believe should be a lesson to both firstborn
and other ‘born’ in handling family matters.
Three ways to handle
stress
Planning
My last article spoke about planning, which is essential for everybody. It is also the first
lesson I will talk about. It is important to plan your life and finances. Have a
journal, whether digital or paper, where you write down your plan in years and
weeks.
For financial planning, write down your gross income, and
designate it with your expenses including how much you want to spend on your
family. Which should not be more than 20% of your income. Remember that your remaining
80% has to be shared with your personal expenses and savings.
Do not bite more than
you can chew
Secondly, ‘Do not bite
more than you can chew’. I know this may come out as insensitive and how you
have to carry on family responsibilities on your head. This is the thing, it is
good to take care of your family, but it is called a family for a reason. Every
member is expected to contribute his or her own quarter to the care of the
family. It shouldn’t be because you are a firstborn, then you would be laden
with that responsibility. The family was created by your parents, and it is
their responsibility. In the case where they are indisposed, then, everyone who
is of age should contribute. Let me tell you why: remember the adage that all
hands are not equal, it means that two individuals no matter the similarity in
background may not have similar interests. So first of all, make sure that you
and the rest of your family have similar interests. Everyone should have a
contribution(it doesn’t always have to be monetary) and opinion This will
enable smooth communication and understanding.
Say “No”
Another thing I will add to this second point is having the
ability to say no, and the spirit of discernment. You know the trick a lot of
us used to get money from our parents (I never did this though); where we call
a cumbersome name for a textbook purchase or a non-existent school trip that
requires money. Well, some siblings also adopt this and apply it to requests
from their siblings. You may have a feeling, your younger sibling is bluffing,
but that inner desire to always be there for them would make you send the money
as soon as you can. Please, do not use this as a medium to encourage extravagant
spending. There are times, when you can say, “No, I do not have”. It doesn’t make
you wicked or stingy, you are simply curtailing extravagant spending.
Conclusion
There are many roads to Israel! This means that you should do
what fits your condition best; but remember to stay alive, happy and healthy. If you have any concerns or questions, you can
leave a comment in the comment section.
Thank you!